Fat Lad Rides Again

Despite what you might think, it turns out I’m not actually an infallible riding god with an omniscient well of knowledge to draw upon. Sometimes, only sometimes though, I get things wrong. So here is a complete list of everything I have ever been wrong about. Ever.

I’ve seen too many fail on the trailside. Bloody wheel spunk everywhere and you’ll have to then pull out all the thorns that it sealed around…

Then, I tried them. Tubeless tyres. Punctures be gone. Rolling quality is superb. Now, granted, all that above is still true in certain circumstances but I let a few bad experiences colour my opinions. Now I’m using them on my bikes I genuinely do love them.

Beard growing (*ahem*), sandal wearing, holier than thou, wrecked knee freaks. Seriously 200 years of development thrown out and replaced with the phrase “One f*cking gear”…

Then, I built one. After building Sarah’s new bike that is. Now the always excellent Mrs Fat Lad and I are riding loads together but she will be the first to admit that her fitness and mine are a way apart. So I built myself a Kinesis Decade Virsa

And very nice it is too. So I got it as a two wheeled tool to retain a little fitness whilst riding with my dear wifey. It’s simply a joy to ride. So much so that I ride it even when I’m on my tod.

What? A seat post that goes up and down without you having to get off. You’ve got to be kidding right? Either get off and drop it or ride it XC up in yer arse/lower spine high…

Then I got one. A Rock Shox Reverb (available from Morley’s Best Bike Shop* Garage Bikes) it was eye wateringly expensive but it is actually rather ace. Not so much in the dropping it all the way to the frame, which can be dead useful, but in a drop it an inch or two on the fast flowy stuff and really give it some beans. So much so I’m sourcing a 27.2 one for the singlespeed.

140mm rear wheel of travel? For the UK. Nope nobody *needs* more than 100mm or even a hardtail.

Then I got a 140mm trail bike. My beloved plastic mistress. My Ibis Mojo Sl. Boy, my love for that bike borders on the unhealthy. True there is very little in the UK that can’t be ridden and enjoyed in the UK on a hardtail but  my Mojo is just so much fun. So was the Trek Fuel EX I tried. And so is Sarah’s Kona Dawg Supreme. And so is Si’s Felt. And so is…

Hang on, riders are actually paying other people to teach them how to ride a bike. Seriously…?

Then I went on one. Here: Ukbikeskills And well, wow, just wow. But that’s a story for another time.

How can they charge so much for parts? I can save at least 40 pence buying it from a place in Ireland that doesn’t pay VAT. It’s daylight robbery I tell thee…

Then I opened my own. And believe me it’s tough. Hard work. Very rewarding. But bloody hard work. Don’t begrudge the bloke behind the counter of your local bike shop trying to make a living. There’s a reason you don’t meet any rich bike shop owners.

Fat Lad

Going have to be a short catch up post thanks to the sheer total and utter clusterf*ck that is the wordpress software. It has just eaten a post that I was exceptionally proud of and I’m in such a sulk about it that it’s not coming back to me now.

Once inspiration returns I’ll have another crack at it. So heres a little cop out post to let you know how I’m getting on:

I’m getting on just fine. Getting out plenty at the minute, quite a bit with Sarah, and starting to feel the first flutters of fitness returning. When you’ve been fit (relatively in my case that is) it seems memory of how much faster you were fails to translate the neural paths to legs. As in my brains wants to go faster than my legs will go.

I’m sure the two will tie up sometime soon…

Fat Lad

So it’s that time of year again, come sit on Uncle Fat Lad’s knee and try not to be too visibly disturbed by the prickly beard and the smell of stale whisky on his breath. Let me regale you with tales of chunky riders, small business wonder and magically shrinking riding clothes. Well no, not really.

2011 has been one hell of a year. I started my own bike shop and though it has been a lot of fun it has been bloody hard work. Consequently, despite owning a bike shop and still retaining all the passion I’ve ever had for bikes, I’ve had bugger all time to actually ride any of mine… Oh and we got a dog

Introducing Bella the stoopid mutt:

I’m going to change that. I’m going to ride more. Which with that seamless segue brings me onto my first goal:

Ride 2000 MTB miles

I tried this year before last, got bloody close, but then the worst winter for thirty years hit taking any chance of reaching that one. It’s going to be even more difficult as in 2011 I only managed about 1100 miles…

Ride the Colne Valley Challenge in under 4 hours

Remember this: Fat Lad Rides The Colne Valley Mountain Bike Challenge ? To be honest I actually think the event would be better ridden the other way round. However having another go this year and I’m aiming for a sub four hour finish. I shall report back after the event…

Blog once  a week

And last but by no means least the tough one. I think this is the thing I will struggle most with. Free time is sparse currently and fitting this in I’m not sure how I’ll manage. But I do love a good challenge…

Wish me luck

Fat Lad

I started with empty legs.

The carbon fibre dream bike felt nothing more than an overly expensive plastic two wheeled toy. Even in the early morning the heat was already in my mind and registering on my arms and brow. Away from the black top the full reservoir gleamed like an acre of dirty choppy topaz. Into Haigh woods recent very British Summer levels of rainfall had left the trail untrustworthy in level of grip.

Leaving Tingley truly I stopped on the long grass descent to gossip with a dog walker, the sun still fairly low there was no need to rush, my destination only moving away from me at a geological pace.

Bicycle mechanics are, by and large, simple creatures. The pay is typically poor, the hours retail and we’re hidden away with the tools in the dark places. But… we love it. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Broken bikes turned into pedaling pride and joy is a thing of brilliance.

However to make your local mechanics life even happier follow these simple suggestions, not only will your steed be running smooth and true once more but you will have lifted your spanner wielding monkey’s heart.

1) Wash your bike

Being a mechanic is a dirty job but someone has to do it. (I’m sorry the cliche police will be here soon…)  Getting oil or brake fluid on your cheeky niche bicycle t-shirt is one thing but when you are up to your GT85 fume glazed eyeballs in mud or road film it can make the job miserable. I have an apron, I wear gloves, but please have some consideration before bringing your pride and joy to the stand.

2)Your mechanic is human, sometimes we make mistakes.

We do, a busy workshop plus a busy shop floor can mean that we may miss the obvious. Occasionally we might misdiagnose the problem. But sometimes, for whatever reason, the brake fluid drinking chap from the back gets things wrong.

Do us one littler favour: Bring it back to us.

Pride is a powerful thing. Our reputations as mechanics are a sacred things. I would rather someone bring something back ten times than have the rider slag me off trailside…

3)Your mechanic is almost certainly not on commission. Take their advice.

If your mechanic tells you that a new chain and cassette is required. It’s required. Sadly you almost certainly won’t get away with just a chain. Parts wear out, even a really good mechanic can’t ignore the rules of physics and this means that even though you’ve ‘only’ been riding every day for the last three years you will need new bits every now and again. I think it would surprise some of our customers to find out their isn’t a black market in used drive train parts.

4) But, your mechanic is not an infallible encyclopedia of all things two wheeled.

That would be Sheldon Brown.  We can’t possibly know all the combinations of all the various parts from all the many many manufactures. Please don’t get exasperated if we don’t know the exact number of chain links needed for an obscure French made track bike you’re making into a fixie with 40 year old parts off the top of our heads. A good mechanic won’t try and blag you but will instead say something like “Honestly I don’t know but I’ll look into it for you…” Then curse you under his breath whilst browsing Sheldon’s site…

5) Please don’t ask for something doing for free

“If I buy this from here will you fit it for nothing?”  This sentence has just made every mechanic in the land shudder.  I am a qualified, skilled and experienced mechanic. I’ve served my time in the wrench trench and sorry people but our time isn’t available for free, our meagre wage has to come from somewhere.

Why not go ask a chef to just whip you up a Michelin star quality meal for nothing. After all he’s only chopping and cooking food. You could do that at home in your own kitchen to the same standard right? Hey whilst your at it why don’t you ask if you can use his expensive knives and pans too?

6)Sometimes you will have to wait for your bike to be repaired even if it is a ’2 minute job’

When the white queen has let go of the land, the grass turns deep green and the lambs gambol gayly in the fields, every fair weather cyclist in the land will drag his steed out of the shed, spending the cold months betwixt the lawn mower and those unused gym weights hidden away getting rusty. These are the times your mechanic will be red of eye and dirty of hand and his workbench in constant demand. Be nice to them they’re probably one cheap corroded in place canti brake away from a lifetime of solvent abuse. Free slots may be as afar away as a fortnight. Sadly this means your left-until-the-last-minute-wheel-rebuild-and-goddammit-I’m-important-and-racing-this-weekend repair is not getting done sunbeam. How mad would you be if your repair got bumped? However…

7) …if you really need something doing bribe us with food

Cookies please. Or doughnuts. Crisps at a push. Cake is always a winner. Bring me fruit and your beloved steed is going right to the back of the queue.

8)No really, wash your bloody bike

Please…

Fat Lad