Fat Lad is Forming a New Habit

And it’s one I’d really rather get out of. Two Pootles in a row now I have ended up on the ground. Two Tuesday night shenaningans in a row where I have taken to hugging the dirt. This cannot become the norm. We already have a Pootle Crew Crash Test Dummy (ey up Keith) there is not room in the stable for any more ragdoll riders. Last weeks backwards cart wheel whilst entertaining for the rest of the pedallling posse was quite nervewracking for me and last nights equation of:

(Fat Lad front wheel + wet limestone paving) x speedy rut transition = Crash 

also too amused a fellow rider. I think I’m going to go back to playing it safe. I think I might take up knitting instead. Yeah Fat Lad Knits Again; it would probably generate more traffic.

Fat Lad

(Comments are back. Yay. l33t haxxor skillz or wot! FL in FL: Thursday is to follow very soon)

Fat Lad’s First Proper Winter Ride

and b*gger me it was cold. First ice puddle broken, the first remnants of snow, the first robin perched on a fence post mere feet away from us as we chatted more than rode. The trails are boggy, slippery and bloody hard work…. Summer better be worth it next year.

Fat Lad

(Not quite sure what has happened to the comments I’ll see if I can restore them soon)

Fat Lad Tries to Appease the Trail Gods

You may or may not have noticed me whining and pouting on this very site yesterday. Despite my near teenage levels of sulking I did manage to get out the bike and drag it round our local trails. There’s nothing quite like turning a £2000 bike into a mud fuelled drive train shredding parts grinder. Hitting the climb from the wrist destroying field you have to know the “just so” way of conquering it. In the summer approach with as much velocity as you can from the initial speed sapping incline and stamp on the cranks to finish off the last few feet to the crest. Winter same approach but sit your ass down for the brutal up as the leaf cover or the slimy undertrail will spit you out wheels losing the traction battle of physics. Last night I committed early, three quarters up the not all that long rise and the front wheel began to lift. Then me with it. The backwards cartwheel I performed in front of the other 5 pootle crew I’m told was spectacular; bringing back early November Catherine Wheel memories but with HID lighting rather than gunpowder. Ian behind me said he would be leaving a gap because he wanted to see what other stunts I’d be performing that evening.

Heading out for the rest of the Res Raid Classic the ride was falling to pieces with chain suck and punctures a plenty but the banter and humour saw us all through. If you’ve been coming to this chunky corner of the internet for a while now you might know of my nemesis. Those bloody church steps:

Rolling through the Autumnal eery floodlit church path, graveyard silent under the cold clear skies someone behind asked if tonight was the night. It was too late I’d already rolled them. I “yee ha”-ed* and then cranked on to the top of the next slime battle climb. I remember approaching the bollards thinking “I need to make up for earlier; Trail Karma demands it…” At the top the Hill medicine went round the group alcohol falsely comforting us against the chilly dark night. The warm feeling radiating through my chest had to fight for synaptic attention, the endorphins rushing through the trail nemesis slain behind me.

Fat Lad

* Terribly un-British I know but what can I say the moment overwhelmed me.

PS Cheers guys for the comments yesterday it really picked me up – Al

Fat Lad is Struggling

And it’s not just the hills…..

Fecking winter. Fecking replacing more parts again. Fecking not having enough hours in the week to do everything I want to. Fecking lack of willpower. Fecking non-existant self control when it comes to my bloody sweet tooth…

And breath…….

Urgghhhh. I’m glad I got that out of the way.

Normal service will resume shortly.

Fat Lad

 

 

FL in FL: Wednesday

Wednesday

Braving the American road systems (they drive on the wrong side of the road someone needs to tell them before there’s an accident!) we zoomed to the quite frankly ginormous parking lot in the not-so-minivan. Outside Cabo’s Tacos I finally got to meet the man/legend Bigworm and we headed inside for some damn good Mexican grub. John brought his lovely wife Jennifer along who got on with my lovely wife like a house on fire the talk flowing from topic to topic randomly jumping subjects as we chowed away. The plan for the day was to have lunch and drive out to the trailhead. We’d stick together on the fireroads John leading me astray on the technical stuff whilst Terry kept Sarah company. Terry and John laid on the guilt thickly to try and tempt Bigworm to join us but responsibilities won over his conscience for the day. Food devoured we headed out for the trail and arrived in little to no time. Certainly not time for a damn fine burrito to settle.

Jennifer took a shot of the group ready to depart and crossing the railway tracks we were pedalling and away. John it would seem is something of a dark horse and after hearing it from a few others he confirmed he was the man responsible for the trail we were heading out on. Straight out we were into sandy singletrack snaking our way through the woods the shade keeping the heat from our backs. For a good long while we rode as a posse chatting the afternoon away but soon John would have opportunity to show me the good stuff and hurt me good. Leaving Sarah and Terry to it we pulled off the trail and headed on to Tom Brown.

Tom Brown. How do you describe Tom Brown? Well it’s a little like this:

The most tight, twisty, rooty, roller coaster barely handlebar width singletrack you’ve ridden. I was on the pedals whole time of the loop chasing John him rolling twisting and pedalling with the ease and confidence of a local showing up the tourist. The trail snaked this way and that each turn merging into the next, defying my descriptions. Cresting another short rise the lip hid another trail delight, fear pulled the brake levers long before conscious thought joined in. Spanning a micro valley a large fallen tree had been turned into a bridge for the skilled, this time that didn’t include me.

Not too much later we caught up again with Terry and my better half grabbing shelter from the quite quite hot midday sun. We headed out the merry foursome together again for a few lengths of fireroad more before I John and I peeled off for Cadillac. More of the same rooty twisty sandy joy awaited and as we passed the burnt out wrecks of what I’m told weren’t actually Cadillacs I had a very sudden and brilliant realisation: I’m riding my ownbike in a different country blasting across dust just as trails at home were starting the inevitable slide to winter gloop. It made me grin. A lot. Once more we regrouped with the intrepid two and Terry and John swapped roles. Astride a narrow strip of raised ground the levies Sarah was snapping away and as she pointed the soul stealer here and there John pointed out a gator in the water.

As we headed out on further trails John shepherded Mrs Fat Lad back to the trailhead. Crossing deserted rail tracks we headed out amongst more twisting and turning trails climbing away from my partner and new friend. Before long I had to soften the stiff upper lip and admit defeat as the heat started to really takes it’s toll on a chunky body not used to such warm temperatures. Heading back we descended a grass path and as the crickets swarmed into the sky out of our rolling knobblies I still couldn’t quite grasp the fantastic feeling of riding in somewhere only read about in jealousy with any real sense of reality.

However joyful the trails they always have to end and after riding a lot of the early stuff backwards the grin factor was still at 11 even in reverse. Chatting away between gasps of air (mine that is) we wound our way back to the start crossing paths with Sarah and John with the cars in sight. The returning pedallers should have been back long before us so I was a little puzzled to see them roll up parallel to us. It turned out that the light of my life had sailed over the bars tumbling to the ground while bashing her shins badly. All back at the car John shot away back to the day job whilst Terry, Sarah and I headed out to Higher Ground to support the local economy track endorphins sadly already ebbing away.

Sarah let out the news it was my birthday this day and Terry, Chris, Michelle, Sarah and I headed out to Koolbeans for good food and beer. A day for firsts continued as I had alligator tail as a starter (like really chewy chicken, little bit gamey). We headed out for beers afterwards and plans for the next days riding were formed over booze and laughter….

Fat Lad

FL in FL: Tuesday

Tuesday

The metal bird dropped us in Tallahassee airport via a short stop in Atlanta airport. The stupid o’clock start out of Chicago crushed the spirit and walking through possibly the tiniest aerodrome I’ve been I heard someone call out my name. Al is not an uncommon name on the side of the pond where the cars are large and the humour of customs officials is small so we wandered on. When it was repeated again Sarah clicked before I did and I turned round to see Juancho walking up to us. A firm handshake for me and a friendly hug for the wife later we were sat down in the canteen, Juancho writing down numbers for us so we would have friendly voices no more than a call away. All parties involved absolutely gutted to be parting ways, we headed out to collect the bikes, bags and a rental car.

Keys collected we left the artificially cool building to the furnace of the Florida afternoon. We found our vehicle by squinting under the clearest blue sky I have seen outside of the Mediterranean region. Both of us had to giggle at the oxymoronic description of our mini-van. Loaded up, cooled down, Sarah the Brave drove us to the hotel our home for the next four nights. I tried to radio in to John to organise the evening meet up but the international nature of the connection failed and I fell back to e-mail to give up the hotel number. We got to Barnacle Bills a little early and grabbed a beer inside chatting to the bar staff about where we’d been and the tipping etiquette differences of the shores. After John joined us we headed outside to enjoy the warm evening and some fired seafood. Later Terry joined us and we spent the night talking trails, bikes and the usual rubbish, drinking beer and after making some tenuous plans we all retired for the night to meet up the next day for my first taste of north Florida’s finest trails…

Fat Lad

Fat Lad Sulks

Thursday night is always a ride night… it’s the law

This Thursday was special as Fat Lad was going to use all the twinkly halloween things we bought in the States, including………

Twinkly Halloween Lights

Spiralling Wheel lights, and

A glowing pumpkin

(that’s right Fad Lad likes flashing lights….. apparently it soothes his soul!)

However Fat Lad obviously hadn’t worshipped the trail gods enough as whilst he was getting ready he knocked the brake fluid out of his front brake.

This meant that Fat Lad couldn’t ride so what did he do instead……………….

He stomped round the house sulking about how unfair life was!

Serves him right for not paying enough attention to the trail gods and their incessent need for broken parts!

A long suffering Mrs Fat Lad

Fat Lad is Feeling Guilty

Autumn is in full flow and my poor numb toes have had enough. Painful digits decree that I must get some more winter boots before the really cold weather kicks in and with this in mind I headed out to a local bike shop to get some some new boots.

That is; after I checked online with a well know large online retailer based just outside these fair shores for their price. Having worked in a bike shop myself I know it’s a no-no to ask a LBS to match online prices but the difference in cost was halfway towards a good saddle. So I asked, and after a little head scratching they agreed to match the cost.

Now, if the cost had been close I’d have sucked it up and paid the shop price but it was quite a big difference in price.

Should I feel guilty that the shop got 80% of something rather than 100% of nothing?

Fat Lad

 

Fat Lad’s Commute

This was going to be a twitter “inanity” originally but too much happened on the way in to fit into 160 characters…

Most weeks I ride to work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on the (*shudder*) road bike. Mostly, for the traffic density, it’s quite incident free. I get the occasional SMIDSY* but otherwise it’s a near all downhill 5 mile run from my home town to the city centre.  This morning was different however. Autumn is definitely here when as I pulled the skinny wheeled instrument of pain from the batcave the 15mph winds buffeted my ample form hither and thither.  Leaving the suburban cul de sac where we reside one of our actually quite lovely neighbours reversed from his drive far too quickly nearly taking me out. Leaving the “bottom of the bag” another neighbour passes too close and I swap one or two ahem choice words with him. At the first roundabout with it’s blind corner hindrance a cager travelling way too quickly for the curve screeches past testing the limits of friction as I waited at the junction.

With a rare tail wind I zoomed along the dual carriageway with a bus keeping pace on my rear wheel. In the lay-by to the left a commuter freezing in the October conditions held his arm aloft signalling his need for transport. The near empty peasant wagon roared past him, reinforcing why I don’t use buses on this fair isle anymore. Further on my hate-hate relationship with UK public transport continued when another commuter stuck out a limb he obviously didn’t care for and I had to duck lest my head be taken off in a clothes line tackle worthy of Rubgy Leagues dirtiest bring downs. With barely two miles to go things calmed down until the Traffic Police car began to weave in and out of lanes using his ESP indicators. Using only the power of his mind we all telepathically knew exactly which lane he needed to be in.  Less than a mile now from the city and the traffic is stalling backwards,  a mile long snarling choking metal alligator snaking back to the motorway. I’m in my element, the urban warrior sneaking in and out of gaps, taking chances and blasting past the queue. Or as reality would have it the chunky bloke in eye watering lycra weaving wildy in and out causing cursing and profanity in his wake.

For all the exitement of the Death Race to work the tricyclopean gods of traffic calming smiled on me as I sailed through each light green for go. It would appear that even here on the tarmac Karma must be earned.

Fat Lad

*Sorry Mate I Didn’t See You

***FAT LAD BULLETIN***

Saturday morning I joined Ackworth Dave** for the Ackworth Amble. A cracking 20ish miles exploration ride with some superb bits of trail to be enjoyed. But Dave has set a precedent. Before we left his warm homestead and headed out to tame nature with our metal steeds the fine young man and his lovely wife saw fit to furnish me with a bacon butty and a brew. Please be aware fellow riders that should I be starting from your abode I now expect this high level of welcome too. That is all.

** Technically Low Ackworth Dave but lets not split hairs I don’t have many left to be destroying.

Fat Lad Has Found It

It was last seen here:

and Tuesday night with good banter, great friends, an awesome ride but with shit weather it was found right about here:

My Mojo. It’s back baby.

Fat Lad

Post Script:

My adventures in Florida are being typed up currently. I really want to do the amazing time we had there the justice it deserves.