Fat Lad Reaches Critical Mass: The Ride

We had been in New York City for six days and the hustle and bustle of big city life had been truthfully about 3 days too many. From Penn station we took the overnight Amtrak to Chicago; nineteen hours of one of the last great American train journeys was a faith restoring journey we will never forget. Hitting the Windy City the change of pace, manners and immediate warmth of people was a huge breath of fresh air. Once we checked into our apartment I checked in with Garth. Or at least we tried, after a brief chat on his office number we agreed to talk later. With international numbers barred from Garth’s mobile eventually we organised our first meet up and Critical Mass Chicago would be it. For those not in the know Critical Mass is where the cyclists take back the roads for one evening the last Friday of every month. The idea is to raise awareness and promote cycling rather than to promote chaos and anarchy as some would have you believe.

Daley Plaza at the Picasso Monument was the start point and after a Hope clickety walk with Mrs Fat Lad on the sidewalks of the cleanest city centre I have ever been in we got there early. A few guys were already milling about in groups here and there. The police cyclists were a little way off in the distance keeping apart from the growing throng with professional indifference. As the crowd began to swell the atmosphere became increasingly festival like with musicians playing PA systems blaring and megaphones squawking out to the assembled mass. I can’t lie my pulse quickened and the slight grasp of nausea held true as my nervous state got the better of my rational thought. Sarah wandered round with the confidence of the natural traveller she is, stealing souls as she wended her way through the gaggle. I introduced myself to a lovely woman named Kathy who was riding the mass with her dog in a crate on her rear rack. Time slipped closer to the 7:30 kick off, Garth had prepped me for his arrival with: “You won’t miss me I’ll be the only Scot-ophile there” and sure enough he sailed through the crowd towards me on his British steel classic, kilt flapping in the wind and his Pith* helmet high upon his head.

With a firm handshake and a warm hug a friend for life was made in those few seconds and with the now huge crowd surrounding us it was time to roll out. Two laps of the plaza later and we were pedalling out proper, bikes as far as the eyes could see in front and behind a few in the know were throwing the figure of around 3000 about.

Every type of bike present and every colour and race too the pace would go from gentle to manic to stop in random order. Where the streets narrowed the mass would bottle neck but soon spread out again at cruising speed. With Garth as my intrepid guide we weaved in and out of the two (and more) wheeled jungle heading further towards the head of the cranking stream. It was unpredictable, carnival anarchy at it’s best and the endorphins were rushing through my veins despite the lack of usual trail boosting fixes. As we passed intersections and cross roads a few massers would pull in front of the traffic, stopping bumper close to stop any vehicles accidentally (or otherwise) wandering into the cycling molass. This Garth told me is corking.

With Garth as an introducer I met a whole host of new and friendly faces and ended up having the most bizarre and interesting conversations with complete strangers including a quite in depth discussion of power to weight ratios for small women with a petite rider as we headed through the now darkening Chicago city outskirts. The objective (if you can use such a lofty word with these pedallistas) of the night was a ridge that had been refurbished at great cost that the Chicago authorities neglected to out a bike lane on. When quizzed about it their official answer was “Go around it”. We rolled up at the bridge to a stop the crowd blocking and taking up the entire four lanes and a few guys spoke and flyers were passed around as random members of the crowd performed bike salutes lifting their steeds high into the air.

Moving again it wasn’t long before I was introduced to Don and Martha. Don was shooting away capturing the moments of good hearted madness as it evolved around us. Pedalling once more we braked outside a working forge and I sat in awe watching the molten metal sparking away through the heat haze all the while the foundry workers black faced outside cheering the mass on.

In my moment of wonder I lost sight of Garth and I pedalled hard to catch up with him swimming downstream weaving in out of the river of engineless motion. Pith* helmet sighted we were re-united and rolled on together towards the climax of the ride. At the next intersection we corked for the massers behind us strangely empowered stopping several tonnes of American truck with only the Kona and my flabby body.

Rolling again with Don and Martha we pulled out of the crowd to stop for beer and greek food. Mrs Fat Lad jumped in a taxi to join us and the conversation snaked long enough into the night for the waiters to hover awaiting our conclusions and homewards journeys. Don and Martha rocketed away into the night leading me back to the apartment somehow to try and sleep the rush away

Fat Lad

*Make your own bloody jokes about that

Fat Lad is Homeward Bound

If I had to sum up America in one word it would be wow. All my preconceptions and stereotypes have smashed to be replaced by thoughts of the most welcoming, generous and kind people we can now call friends. In such a short space of time we have:

  • Flown across the Manhattan skyline in a Helicopter
  • Eaten damn fine Dim Sum in Vanessa’s Dumpling House in Chinatown NY city
  • Taken a 19 hour train ride from NY to Chicago
  • I rode in a Critical Mass in Chicago and we followed it up next day with an amazing locals bike tour of  the Windy City
  • Got very drunk in a bar also in Chicago
  • Rode some of the finest singletrack I have ever ridden anywhere ever
  • Saw manatees and gators swimming free mere feet from our boat

and this is just the highlights.

I have a ride report from Critical mass to finish and post as well as my two awesome rides in Tallahassee.

Before I sign off just a quick roll call to all those who have welcomed us into their hearts homes and open arms:

Garth – Garth ended up being our unofficial tour guide to Chicago taking me on critical mass and getting me drunk in a bar near his home too. Good times.

Don – Don took us on a tour of his home city taking us to the real heart of the town and filling our souls with history simultaneously.

Terry – Terry is the wired to the moon guy who has ridden with me every crank of the way in Northern Florida and took Mrs Fat Lad under his wing on her first off road ride of the US. Terry is a lot of fun to be around and suffuses a manic energy to every situation.

Chris – The man, the legend Big Worm. He won’t tell you himself but the guy has a heart of gold and despite pulling my legs off I’m told is a local hero who does far more for the community than he gets credit for.

John -  We briefly caught up with the big man in the airport but real life called and he had to literally fly away. However in his absence he had warmed up the welcoming party ready for our arrival.

John (the other John) – AKA Aucilla Sinks. Our welcoming party. We’ve since found out that we have seen John more in a few days than some people have done in years of living in the same town has him. He was a friendly face all the time we were here offering up great places to go and rallying the troops for beer, food and rides all the way.

To every one we have met I owe you more than I can ever express in mere words and you always have a room here in Ol’ Blighty.

Fat Lad

Mrs Fat Lads Flicks…..

Thought i’d take over this corner of the internet for a while!

I’ve taken a photo or two whilst the Fat Lad and I have been on our travels and so I thought i’d shamelessly plug my website as its got photos of people we have met and rides we have done on our adventures.

(Advert over…..)

Clicky

Mrs Fat Lad

Fat Lad Reaches Critical Mass

Men, women, black, white, asian, the old, the young, the very young, punks, hipsters, hippies,  blue collar, white collar, unemployed; they were all there.

Road bikes, BMXs, Mountain Bikes, Recumbents, Cruisers, Commuters, Tall Bikes, Rat Bikes, Fixies, Trikes, Trailers, Cargo Bikes, Row Cycles and British Restoration Classics; they were all there.

Bells, whistles, clown horns, air horns, drums, ipod speakers, ghetto blasters, car battery rigged speaker systems, the anarchic choir of 3000 cyclists and a trailer towed singer belting out anti-war tracks; they were all there.

I pedalled in this throng of wheeled activists, I too yelled out Happy Friday and I was there.

Fat Lad

Fat Lad Has Arrived

Right at the very heart of it....

We’re here*, despite the best efforts of the job-specific-fuck-you attitude and downright nastiness of US customs and the piss poor music taste death wish yellow cab driver we are here.

Whilst we arrived unscathed yet tired, the fine baggage handling miscreant low brow genetic deadends at the airlines however have damaged Mrs Fat lad’s bike quite badly.

First up the brake lever:

and the rear mech hanger:

The guys at NYC Velo shone stripping a new hanger from a shop Kona to keep us rolling and I’ve now got a V brake to get Sarah rolling again.  What a start to our holiday…

Fat Lad

*Don’t worry I’m not going to turn this into a holiday blog and I’ll still only be posting bike related nonsense whilst I’m here – Judith Chamlmers I am not…

Fat Lad Public Service Announcement

Oooh.... Bike bags....

USA we are packed, ready and inbound. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. The big metal bird leaves tommorow and the bikes and soul stealers are raring to be let free in the land of the big portions.

Fat Lad

Excuse the piss poor image at the top of the post but all the good cameras are packed away and I had to use the one on my mobile 🙂

Fat Lad Plays With His Spanners

To fit these:

Shiny :)

Long term readers may remember that I fitted the very same make of pedals a few years back:

Clicky

I’m quite happy with how they have performed considering how much muddy abuse they’ve received and how little maintenance they have been given. And I always hated that rug…..

So when it come to fitting them, with a puffed out chest, I announced to my long suffering wife: “Easy peasy, how hard can it be?” and I scurried off to the Batcave.

So one hour , skinned knuckles and one bent 6mm allen key later the old ones are still stuck in the cranks and I’m greasy fingered and sweaty browed. The master mechanic has selfishly gone away on the Harley for the weekend so I was left on my own to sort it out. I couldn’t leave it as the right hand pedal was three crank strokes away from disintegrating. So I stood scratching my head wondering “What Would Pete Do?”

And with that sentence at the forefront of my mind I realised what I needed to do. Twat it. So with a large rubber mallet, a 15mm spanner, brute force and plenty of ignorance they finally moved. The new ones are on putting the rest of the mud encrusted beast to shame with their mirror bright bling.

The next time I have to fit something and Pete is nowhere around I’m just going to put my WWPD? band on and bring out the hammer.

Fat Lad

Welcome to The New Fat Lad Rides Again

and isn’t it pretty?

Massive thanks to Chris for the design and coding you’ve done yourself proud mate and I couldn’t have done this without your expertise and advice.

Big Thanks too to Mrs Fat Lad for the picture at the top and her constant goading to get this new site up and running. The side bar will be updated very soon along with some new toys…

Stay Tuned

Fat Lad

Fat Lad Dashes Through Dalby Forest


One from the depths of time this Phil and I hit the North Yorkshire MTB playground some time early May….

For a change I was running late. Phil had turned up and somehow I had turned a mornings worth of preparation into a last minute dash. Deservedly berated I was ready at last. Heading out for North Yorkshire’s Trail Centre our hopes were high for a good afternoon of riding. We weren’t to be disappointed.

In an unusual episode of British weather it was scorching hot and the ground was already flag crackingly dry from the bike wash as we left. With the quite frankly freaky late spring weather the morning had been spent with equal parts procrastination and attempts at hydration. All this led to one factor: We were zooming along country roads listening to the Tom-Tom’s authoritative tones and I needed to pee. Badly. Finally finding somewhere for me to stop and water the hedgerow I was suddenly stuck with stage fright. After some mental motivation the seal was broke and the days first sensation of euphoria hit home.

After some slight miscalculations involving my sat nav, a non-existent road and Phil’s driving we were one long journey down and a long ride ahead. Automotive stiff legs were massaged into life.The sun even fiercer here not far from the coast, my one small sachet of sun cream hidden in the first aid kit deep from dark nether regions of my camelbak was retrieved and applied.

Considerably later than planned we were mounted up and pedalling away. Less than 1/2 a mile form the car park and we had already missed a turning. Not too far on and we were bang on the trail climbing out on the red route proper. My legs weren’t feeling particularly snappy but I twisted the cranks regardless talking rubbish and hauling my arse up the incline regardless.

The dry heat was sucking the moisture from my body at a phenomenal rate and at the first stop I rolled up my jersey sleeves to my shoulders. I just prayed that my bingo wings wouldn’t get burnt… The first taste of what MTB Trail Centres was just around the corner and with a barely suppressed grin we kicked off.

Letting my good friend lead we dropped into a roller coaster ribbon of man made good sweetness. Up and down the path rolled ridden well it only required the odd kick of the pedals and Phil whooped and cheered over jumps and drops alike. And normally he is so reserved. (A collective snigger will be had by all who actually know him…)
Shooting out the other end we pitched up in the shade as Phil stuff a sandwich down his neck. Not far behind us a hound of large proportions loped by, closely followed by it’s owner and his group. As the canine noisily slurped from his owners camelbak I smiled as it’s owner called out it’s name to follow them on: “Come on Lupo…”

Back up again for an age my suspension had started to creak and crack driving my usual limit of sanity close to it’s broad edge. So despite the heat I did the best I could and watered it. Like a desert plant it was grateful and remained silent for the next few miles. The trails tracked up and down for a long while further rewarding every long fire road drag with gifts of hard pack narrow adrenalin hits.

Before long we reached Dixons Hollow. At the MTB playground we whizzed round a few times rolling the tabletops, too XC to be engaging in the jumping nonsense. I cleared the board walk managing to better my personal best of just walking most of the woodwork. Deciding on our current location we pulled out our butties and dove in hungrily. With our bellies satisfied (well mine at least) we cracked on after I watered the suspension once more.

The paths dragged on in the way only trail centre hard pack can and our only contact from humanity came some time later. We shared with our new pedal brothers our complete surprise and joy that for such a full car park the trails were almost completely deserted. Our next fix of man made goodness crept up upon us but soon had to be paid back in lactic acid with an evil switchback climb to the heavens winching us slowly to another summit. Scant few miles later this process was repeated once more.

With so much dust in the air I mistakenly took another anti-histamine thinking my tight chested coughing the result of early season pollen. With only a few miles Phil pinched flat and had to change two tubes as the first replacment valve fell out. All our water gone, filthy from sweat encrusted dust the corkscrew berms fired back out to the car park for Ice creams well earned

Fat Lad

Fat Lad’s Last Lap

SITS 2008, it was my sixth endurance event and despite putting my self through 132 hours of mostly mud filled hell I’d yet to swing the last lap. It might just be our crew of ragged trousered cyclists who hold up the last lap of an endurance event in misty eyed esteem or maybe pedallers world over hold it in special regard. When the fates decided it was my time to go out for the last lap my soul lifted and the last 23 hours of mud, heart ache and torture made way for weary, aching legged joy.


With Mick in from a storming lap, spraying mud from the back wheel in a fountain of dirt and effort he decided he was going out again too, Phil ditched his asbo tag and he too joined me out on the field of broken bikes and bodies. I like to think that words seldom fail me but in this circumstance the weary mix of emotions and exhausted limbs drained me of speech and I spun round the sticky humid lap with empty lungs and a heart bursting with pride, elation and the shear brilliance of sharing this moment with two of the best comrades any fella could ever dare to call friends.

Crossing the finish line I regret telling Phil to peel off and not confuse the timing guys, the three mud splattered amigos should have finished as we started. Mick and I crossed the line to grab a handshake from the big man of UK cycle sport and the grin on my face demonstrated a lost lap daemon well and truly exorcised.

Fat Lad

As always Mrs Fat Lads quite brilliant Photos of Sleepless In The Saddle 2008 can be found @ www.sarahshawphotography.co.uk