Fat Lad’s Fecking Miserable Pootle

For my readers outside these spiffing shores it’s been a wee bit cold this last few weeks. Monday saw ice and snow so thick a normally quarter hour ride to the shop with the mutt became transformed miserably into a near hour long foot powered slog. Tuesday was little better and mileage goals or no, my motivation for hitting the trails was minimal to say the least. Time served Pootler and fellow tail end charlie Bill text bullied me into making the trip to Ossett for a club favourite.

Getting away from the shop late, the always awesome Mrs Fat Lad had made my tea for me. Despite it being nutritious, filling and delicious it was about an hour later eaten than I would have hoped. Continuing the theme of time poor running states I ragged my poor van all the way to the pub leaping out I popped on my lid, pulled on my gloves and lubed the chain. Whipping the pedals backwards at speeed running the lube over the chain I managed to aersol the ceramic wet  lube and get it onto the rear disc rotor. Great that will be no rear brakes for the ride then.

Atop the first climb I grab my brand spanking new hydration pack hose and go for a giant sized hot fat man refreshing gulp of water. Nope. Blocked. No re-hydration for Fat Lad. Buggeration.

As the ride progressed my evening meal never filled my empty legs and any snap summoned for forward motion firmly refused to play nice. My handling skills were definitely less goof like than godly. I wanted out. When I asked for the nearest bailout point nobody would tell me. “Not far from the end now mate…”  We started as a club and finished our icy circuit as one too.

This is the part where I got into the pub and tell you how it was all worth it. It wasn’t. My ride that evening was rubbish. Truly fecking awful. But, and here’s the thing of the thing, would have I swapped it for a night in front of the haunted fish tank. Not on your life. To quote club founder and Northern Curmudgeon extraordinaire: “A bad night on the trail is better than a good day in the office”

Fat Lad

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